her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
time to smoke my breakfast
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
