I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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