i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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