I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
