If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
