Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
