I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
