Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
