32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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