drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize