so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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