we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
