My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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