Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize