you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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