omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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