If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
