4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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