She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
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