hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
