You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
