im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
