just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize