Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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