I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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