Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
