weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He felt like a one man threesome
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
