i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
