I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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