The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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