Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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