I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
