she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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