i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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