Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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