Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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