it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
