i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
