Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
