FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
