He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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