I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
