i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
