It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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