ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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