Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
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