yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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