i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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