I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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