you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
