So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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