You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
