Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize