wrigley field is MILF paradise
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
