opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
