she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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