haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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