I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
