Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
