found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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