All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize