I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
