he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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