All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize