Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
