Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
