i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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