i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize