So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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