I like my sex mixed with concussions.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I enjoy the company of your penis
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
