Kiss
Puke
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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