he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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