ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
