Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
