She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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