Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
