I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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