vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
And then he peed in my hair
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