Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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