In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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