So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
