I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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