I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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