My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
