cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
