i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
