wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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