I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
