her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize