Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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