Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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