dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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