You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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