I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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