this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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