I faked an abortion last night.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
