When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
