You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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