the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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