Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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