I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
