These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize
