I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
