Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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