i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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