I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It was confusing and full of hummus
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
