So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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