take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
